SoCanYouHearThisTheFakeSoundOfProgress?

This is me.
im sitting here, with my hair dropping across my face, its unstraightened i only have it like this after showers. i used to have it all the time when i had more confidence, i didnt care how my hair looked, i always though people who were shallow enough to judge me for it arent worth my time. but i guess after a while it got to me.

im weighing up the idea of letting it go natural, for a day atleast, and go to school with it like that.
it actually frightens me incredibly how people see me.

i want to be perfect. so that im not ostricized.
and sadly i care what people think of me.

as i was standing in the shower in between the intermitent cold patches where my mum was washing up in the kitchen, i was thinking. about how to make friends, and how ill survive at university if i get that far, i cant wait for it. but it also marks the definitive end to my childhood where im on my own. and sometimes i doubt that my emotional health can withstand it, especially considering my two breakdowns already this past week. i was doing so well, i hadnt had one in several weeks. and they were getting fewer and more distance between each one.

but it all makes me think about my childhood and how much i hated a lot of it. but in a way it taught me many things like my inability to have confidence at making friends

i could be pleasantly suprised i guess.
Danielx