HereIGoScreamMyLungsOutAndTryToGetToYou

i broke down twice in two days thats pretty steep for me.
i paniced and worried several people, ive had a trip in a police car, and almost died.
you know when you have that period in your life where you think "thats it this is enough of that" i think im there, im tired of what ive become, being wrapped up in depression reliant on everyone else to help me feel better. 2010 will be different, it has to be. i want to make it better

2010 has been a busy year.
i want to take this time to say..

im sorry Sophie, you deserve so much more than me, and the selfish stress i cause you. i love you and i wont ever take you for granted.

thank you Gaby and Kass and Daryl for being there for me eventhough i seemed cold and shallow, it did mean a lot your concern. i just wasnt good at showing my emotions earlier
thank you Brenden and Matt, for finding me outside of that church.
thank you Frauke, Jack, Suzie, Gareth, for being fantastic friends
thank you Thomas, mum and dad, i know you wont read this but i owe you, and if it hadnt been for you three i wouldnt be alive right now.
thank you to samaritans for your support.

im sitting here, desperately wanting to feel better, i dont think i can handle going back to school next week. but im going to have to.

im going to max and toms tomorrow, but im not getting drunk.
im going to do my reading interview next week
im going to do my biology exam in two weeks,
and im going to get to my birthday

i need to pace myself, and make targets. i will get through this.