HereYouAreDownOnYourKneesAgain

im tired right now.
and im out of energy, i feel like ive just ran a mile.
im cold
im shivering as i sit here.
im not only cold on the outside, i feel cold on the inside.

loneliness.
ive got the feeling of regret but a regret that i cant comprehend because im behind this glass wall.
do you ever wonder what happens when you worry about what is left.
when you just just want to jump and scream and shatter the barriers around you to get the idealic world that you crave. but you never get that.

so when finally everything is back to normal, what is normal anymore, what is everything you want now? what was everything you wanted, and everything you didnt want? is that something you now want?

human want is never ending.

im beating my head against the wall behind me, my hair falls across my face, it covers my eyes and gives me a false sense of protection for a minute.
i want to hurt myself again.
this want is growing everyday
i hate this room.
i taint every room with my presense, negative emotion surrounding myself a vicious circle, i hate myself in that room, and the room hates me, i hate myself because the room hates me.

i stare at the ceiling as if thatll help me, begginly my eyes look into nothing as i wish i am something i want to be for a change, wishing im something that everyone else wants too.

i dont want to be a fuck up anymore.