WhyBotherItsGoingToHurtMe

im trundling through life making mistakes, i wish i was one of those teenage kids from one tree hill. like lucas scott. so squeeky clean, but with intelligence. i want a best friend, just me and them, a double act. someone who understands me but doesnt judge me, someone i couldnt spent a lot of my teenage and childhood growing up. i lost my best friend, he went and grew up, and found someone else.

i spoke to him for the first time in 7 years about 6 weeks ago.

sometimes i think im as guilty as anyone else, with music, searching through "labels" to decide who i like, restricting myself within walls. but im expanding.

you as an individual NEED to check out these three bands
The Promise Ring
The Get Up Kids
Jimmy Eat World

you may have heard of Jimmy Eat World, but with this one you need to listen to ""Clarity" not the modern ones, im in the starting process of creating something beautiful, a playlist thatll be amazing.

i need more cds, and im going to draw, im nearly done on my self portrait in chalk and charcoal, i actually like it but its something else, emphasis on whites and blacks, a little more, it makes me smile, my own face has never done this, im excited.

im listening to Pinkerton by Weezer, its an amazing album.
i want to learn bass. and drums.
and how to sing.

ive felt tonight ive discovered things about myself that i didnt know existed, the direction im heading, this will be brief but im feeling positive about everything for a moment, just this hour. i dont want to go to sleep and press the reset button, i dont want to stop this feeling, i crave this, its feels raw, it feels like me, this is better than being drunk, this is better than nearly everything, apart from love. any type of love.