Lifeless

im actually on the verge of tears.
it might be the large amounts of alcohol i consumed to make myself forget. i shouldnt do that, i might die from it one day.

"i want you to know that i miss you, i miss you so"
why cant you see that.

tonight was my friend rachel's party, in many respects it was the best party ive been to, there were a few obvious absentees but the people who showed up had a really good time, and i did,

but when a few songs came online, they really got to me, they tore up my happiness and threw it on the ground. as if it were laughing at my misfortune. without sounding like im overexaggerating i feel like this a lot, i feel like someone watches over me, and when i have too much happiness they give me a reason to feel depressed again.

like the complete opposite to a silver lining. :/

i didnt get a response the whole time...
so i drank and drank, i wasnt going to. i was going to stay sober, but i just drank and drank. and then on the way home, ran in front of a few cars... im so fucking stupid. but ive had enough. im tired and i cant go on, i really cant. somethings got to give.

whilst i still have the guts because i have small amounts of alcohol in my system still ill post what i wrote earlier.




Lifeless ~

hey look at yourself in the mirror
do you feel like a mess now
blood dripping
staining the sink red
is this a way to survive

lie there bleeding, the bucket by my bed
is full of my story of pain
god im a mess
im hanging up the gloves
these bruises are too much

alone still and a nervous wreck
lie still on the bed this pain it hurts
maybe a call would help just go and check
this doesnt hurt, the pills make sure of that

lie there bleeding, the bucket by my bed
is full of my story of pain
god im a mess
im hanging up the gloves
these bruises are too much

hope is a stupid little word
optimists never understood
who ever did?
maybe now as this blood runs
and i look so lifeless
the ambulance is screaming
and so are you
but here i am so lifeless
im dying

this broken hurt (lie there bleeding)
is more a broken heart (the bucket by my bed)
you never knew (that im a mess)
that it would come to this (these bruises are too much)