TheQuietThingsThatNoOneEverKnows

My name is Daniel John Coogan, i am 17 years old, my birthday is on the 30th January 1992, which means im 18 in little over a month, which means im an adult, with adult responsibilities and should be treated like an adult so youd think? i dont demand respect but having any would be nice.

i have 2 parents, one irish and one english, although my father speaks with an english accent as he's lived in england all his life. my life has always been in this house in Gillingham Kent in England, ive never moved, i have many good memories but many more bad memories. i wasnt like the other kids my only brother made me sure i knew that, the other kids at primary school made me know that. ironic seeing as i went to a religious catholic primary school when i was little, i hold dear only one friend from primary school, we've both abandoned religion though albeit for different reasons.

my first ever memory consisted of rain hitting my pushchair cover and me screaming at the sound of it whilst taking my brother to playschool and my mum getting angry. this pretty much sums my life up until this point.

my life was pretty ordinary or so i thought until i was around 15, i was led to believe i was intelligent, gifted at art and fairly musical, until reality struck, i had what my family consider an emotional breakdown in august, id been suffering with depression for the best part of neary three years but after the total manipulation of my second serious girlfriend in a row my mind had had enough, i was minutes away from killing myself when my parents came in my room after hearing me start to destroy my room. from then, my life crumbled around me, i went to hospital where i got admitted to Camhs, which was a total let down and pescribed anti depressants and now on the verge of having councilling at the hospital in the psychiatric ward. i was either treated as a special case or a nutcase by everyone i know, my grades disappeared, and my effort in life disappeared. until i met sophie she made things considerably better.


my life still has all the same problems it already did which is caused by half a life of bullying and not fitting in with a depression ridden family. but i cant really complain.

i show a happy front to people i dont want to care about me, i try and hold things together to make other people realise that things get better, but in all honesty im probably incredibly depressed.

i live a normal every day life just like anybody else too, i must clarify that, but i do have days where i just suffer.

i never really ever discovered myself, any attempt of individuality was crushed by my conformist father who tended to laugh at me. and call things "pointless". ive never had a good relationship with my parents or brother ive always been on the outside looking in.

But im moving out next year hopefully, to university. (yn)

my parents do care.. they financially care and obviously didnt want me dead, but for days at a time we dont talk, they havent asked how school has been and engaged in my life's activities without questioning my motive for around 5 years now. atleast i got the independance in some respects.

this caused me to seek a family in my friendships, im closer to my friends and i hold emotional bonds with them like people do with their families. several of my friends are similar. ive never considered going out with any of them, to be honest that would feel like insest but we're all close.

i discovered this year Everybody in my life is moving forward gaining momentum everyone is getting better succeeding in life, and im not im just floating taking a day as it comes as my emotional wellbeing succumbs under the pressure of everyday life.

i have the crazy idea that if everything truelly goes tits up im going to become homeless and busk my life away

i did this to make people realise theyre not alone, this is my life one day at a time, this is me, nothing different to anybody else, no more or less fortunate. this is me stripped down but not all the way, just so you know where im coming from when i write these blogs.

i hope you all have a good day, i have a snow day :)
Danielx