This is my 99th blog, its my 41st this month. i dont know how ive been able to write so much, but i cant imagine not having a blog now if im honest, blogger is my home page, thats how sad i am. this the guardian website, facebook, and deviantart are the most visited websites.
i hope you dont mind my frequent writing.
well anyway, its 5:04pm and its pitch black outside i have my lava lamp on my dimmer switch low, and a lamp on, ive been working on art for around an hour or 2. nothing much, ive been analysing the work of Diego Rivera who was a portrait artist and muralist of the early to mid 20th century from mexico, he was married to Frida Carlo (the woman with the monobrow)
its quite fun, i have loads of art stuff around me. i need more black paper and chalk though, i tried drawing hayley williams' face earlier from this weeks kerrang in negative as advised by my art teacher, but my grandads only chalk is bloody useless. so tomorrow my mum and i are going art supplies shopping.
i love doing art in a way, it takes forever which is the negative thing i guess, but for a change im doing it on my second day of my holiday as apposed to the second to last so im more relaxed about it. ive been surfing deviantart, it always gets me in the mood for art nowerdays, especially the photography section, i cant wait to get my camera now. i want it for christmas instead, the sad thing is i know exactly where it is. but its wrapped up and i cant get to it.
the downside to everything today is, im in a foul mood. im really irritable and anxious. i got hatemail again, which really lowers my mood everytime, and sends me into a bout of severe self loathing which i dont get out of for several hours to maybe a day or two. which is fucking useless this time of year...
the email was this
"Every time you go to sleep and think of thing that is wrong with your life you need to know that it is not in your head, everything that you imagine has and could go wrong is true. if you think about it it is highly possible and with the state of your physical apparel it is more than likely, you wil be a great failure and almost everything that could go wrong with your pitiful life will. never forget these words you pathetic waste of life."
sigh.
am i really this horrible of a person? youve known me now for 99 blogs. you must have a valid point of view of my character? really some moral support would be nice right now :/
Sophie was amazing, she was lovely to me as usual, but the thing is when i feel low i take it out on the people who are closest to me, its the one thing i hate most about my personality, its my dickhead side. if i could change one thing about my personality it would be that. so im sorry although i dont think she saw it. i think i kept it under control.
i hope youre all having a better day.
Danielx
3 comments:
Hija. I know i might not count because I kinda dont just know the blogger, but i still think ur not a horible person. In fact ur a lovely one. (And the only reason that still is in there is to remind u that my opinion hasn't changed. Remember the last time we had this conversation? You are wonderful.) hatemail is hatefull because they who write it have no other outlet. If anything it´s sad that this person wastes their life looking for the bad in other people- they (and my neighbor downstairs yelling at something, either the tv or his wife) are the ones wasting away their existance. Sure, hate can be strong. But Love is stronger. (Mahatma Gahndi is an inspiration on this point :P)
Oh--- and I now have an xmas present for you in mind... Its not as brilliant as that car though :P and if there is still snow when i get back can we all have a massive snowball fight in the park?
Smile, it suits you :) lks
thank you lisa :)
youre too nice :)
the sad thing is it wasnt anyone to do with emma, it was corals cousin...
but thank you for this, and yeah i forgot about that conversation, but i remember now.
really? you didnt have to! but thank you. yeah totally! you owe me us a film night too :P hehe! although my house might be finished for once! so maybe i might host one!
okay :)
Danielx
wow this film night is like rolo's blow job- i have no memory of ever consenting to give them :P ooooh your new stairs!!! that must be exciting :) but examsssssss =ewies, and nu is back home now.. so the time for film nights and other social events might need to be moved to february...
anyway, its only the truth :)
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