AndWe'llDrinkCiderFromEleven

Comfortable
Honest
Happiness
Love

in many respects these are the four most important things in my life, today, ive learnt a lot. today ive realised something that ive never felt before. ive gone through a series of emotions, and if im honest, i still feel dreadfully low, just at a copeable amount.

But that is because of one person, [the ability to cope that is] who put me ahead of herself. even amongst her own problems she still managed to make me feel like a much more valid person.

Its amazing, because with her i tick 3 of those 4, with the fourth one developping. ive never had that before.


~


I Sit here, on the side of my bed, my legs are dangling, at an awkward angle that hurts my left hip. my feet are frozen, because i never wear socks.. im wearing my pajama bottoms and my hair is a total complete mess. but in a way im relaxed, the most relaxed ive been all day, because of Sophie. she brings a smile on my face that has never been there before, of course ive smiled before but this feels new, like a smile that fits my face perfectly instead of my usual "making do with what ive got".

my room is dark my lava lamp is on, but the wax isnt moving, i have the light from the hallway coming in through that crack where my bedroom door is slightly open, and my dog is in the hallway, i like him when he's like this, i can look at his face and i see a need for me, i must always give the impression i hate him, but i dont really. i should go say sorry to him.

I wont be going into school tomorrow, its unbearable this anxiety and i have period one and two in english, i love english, if it was for the fact im massively behind, and around 4ft away i have an ex girlfriend who looks at me whilst talking to her best friend, whilst occasionally laughing too...
it doesnt usually bother me, but ive had this since february..

if theres one thing ill do when i go to university itll be decide upon my enemies with great care... or not get any altogether would be a better idea... i cant stand people who hate, ive hated what people have done, and i confess, like everybody else i have hated and said "i hate you/them". but ive let that go, what is the point of using so much emotion so much effort and time and brooding to hate someone? if you honestly hate someone youre wasting your own life. i dont think i could hate anyone let alone someone ive loved.

i want to find a song perfect for my emotion right now, and at the moment, im leaning towards, Bloc Party, i remember when A Weekend in The City came out, i have a strong dislike towards generic regurgitated music, whether it be pop or indie or emo or hip hop, if it sounds samey i refuse to listen to it, but when this album came out, i remember instantly falling in love with it, i dont experiance that normally, ironically ive only experianced that with Meteora by Linkin Park, From Under The Cork Tree by Fall Out Boy and A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds To Mars, admitedly they can be seen as generic music but to me they were new chapters of undiscovered genres pioneers in establishing my music taste, thats why i regard them amazing. [However there is a fourth album too, but it isnt generic... Echo Park by Feeder]. i think these five albums have shaped me as a person, i can say ive laughed ive smiled ive cried ive been pissed off and ive fallen asleep to each of these albums many-a-time, and they have helped shaped me as a person.
ive digressed.
im being asked to take the rubbish out.
ill end here

Goodnight.
Danielx