LightUpLightUp

Im at home, i have been all day,
ive had an on off headache, and ive been feeling kinda low again, (hence why im at home)
im in a mood where im restless, i cant concentrate and nothing is interesting me.

i also feel terribly alone,
ive been making decisions in my head, what im going to do.
like in the immediate future.
because im tired of feeling like this.
and i want something to make me feel better.

i found out, yesterday that my councilling service has "forgotten" about me.
maybe if i actually try and kill myself somebody... (by somebody i mean anybody in my life) might take notice?

i wouldnt do that, but thats how alone i actually feel right now.

im hitting my head against my headboard, staring at my ceiling, listening to Snow Patrol.
im tired of this blog. nobody reads, least of all the people i want to read it.

on top of this i feel callous, i always wanted to be someone who wasnt like anyone else.
i grew up in an environment where woman were around to plainly just clear up after men, and even in a country with equality i was deeply depressed when i read how some men treat women awefully.

so i grew up aspiring to better myself than that, (i dont admit i am, i just want to be)
and in a way that seems to be all in vain.

yeah, so if you dont hear from me again you know why.