blog number 177...
right now, my hands are cold, i wish my heart was this would be easier otherwise.
ive been playing guitar for about half an hour just the same guitar solo over and over, its why my hands are cold...
You promised me youd speak to me but you havent.
its kinda hard you know to just carry on when one minute you seem to mean a lot to someone and then all of a sudden youre nothing. as if you never existed. it kills you know? for the last number of days, ive been trying to keep my mind off everything, i havent cut myself since tuesday, which is always a bonus, and im trying to continue with my life as normally as possible since everything that happened tuesday.
it was hard walking through hempstead valley shopping centre today... everywhere were people i actually knew with their other halves, and it just stings... my friends from home who know what i did to myself on tuesday have tried being super nice, even the ones who dont understand what im feeling, which in many senses is worse... because theyre treating me as if i have a problem, where i just want to be normal, its a lose lose situation because i dont entirely know what i want anymore.
i just want to leave. thats the only thing i do know.
i bought Kerrang! magasine, which was a fucking stupid idea. its covered in stuff about valentines... i think i might just try and sleep through it all..
the annoying thing is, for the next week, most of my main circle of friends are going to Hollywood for a school trip. we couldnt afford this. and i dont know how im going to cope on my own without going out. ive managed to keep occupied at lisa's lately which im forever thankful to her for.
but its like heading into the unknown when i dont want to.
i just want this to go away or get better? but i dont think it will for a while, but for you it probably will... which is the worst thing about it...
and then ill be something you wont even remember.
i guess for now, ill just waste my time away until this gets easier.
Daniel
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