So Thankyou.

Today, Today, Today,

what have i done today,
today,
i woke up, with gut rot from tequila, the devils of all drinks... i got woken up by the annoying tone of Thomas Stuart Colvin's voice asking me to play Call Of Duty with him, not only is he 17 years old, he woke me up similar style to that of a child on christmas waking his parents up, this disgruntled me immensely,

I Told Him To Fuck Off *satisfied look*

i ate sugar coated rice crispies and my stomach basically gave me the feeling of hatred and that i was a wanker for all of the poisons ive put in it over the last 24 hours, in all honesty i havent drunk that much in a long time, i managed to embarrass myself immensely, by falling over, screaming at the tv, and basically other stupid things i apparently did and didnt remember, part of me wishes that i couldve blacked it out, but this is what i deserve.

If you ask me will i ever drink again... of course i will, ill drink more next time, i dont know why, i just enjoy it, i feel more confident, yeah im probably more of an arsehole, but im a more interesting person to be around, its just fun.

i sound like an alcoholic dont i?

i then recovered, sitting on my computer, and baking this afternoon, i was pretty solumn, deep in thought, about a certain thought that has been revolving around my head for several days now.
i shan't disclose. i dont want to.

i accidently came across my ex girlfriends facebook today, its the first time ive been on it in a long time, this knocked me for six, she still has photos with me on there... ¬_¬ why hasnt she deleted them, we broke up quite a while ago.. im hoping she just forgot... but this kinda threw me down, because i dont like remembering how she made me feel, and what i almost did because of how she made me feel.

this is what i want to realise, this is what i want to know, is it possible for two independent people to be together, who share many interests, without one entirely controling the other, without making the other one feel nothing more than a single speck in the whole world of the other person, so this person is the most insignificant life being that does everything wrong to everyone and ruins the others life and shouldnt feel like they dont deserve the time they spend with their partner? i want this.

Isnt it ironic she has the pictures of us still, after she did that to me?

ive never been in a relationship where i havent been made to feel insignificant... so my point is about who has done what to who, in my past relationships, its more trying to understand that in ANY relationship is it possible for two people to be together but not make each other feel that way.




~











on a positive note, i know that Sophie, youre reading this, i know this because im talking to you on msn and webcam ^^, i hope youre okay, and youve been such a breath of fresh air in my stagnant life =] our chats together are nothing short of spectacular, i love them, you make me smile so much, thats why i wanted to write this, to immortalise this passage so it doesnt just end up forgotten, so you can come back and read this =] thank you for everything youre an absolute star. now ill stop before i sound obsessive.

but thanks to sophie, she has made me happy, when i didnt think i deserved it.

I Hope Youre Okay.
Danielx