HunnyHunny.

Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning

Well... its actually 2am.
but hmm.. i should be asleep, yet im sitting here in bed, in darkness, listening to Artwork.
Bert McCracken's lyrical talents make me feel better about life.
His apathy in some songs is comforting, the used always have the ability to make me feel better about myself.
Three Cheers You Fooled Them All

ive just watched a film, which in some respects was very much like a midsummer's nights dream
where
Sean likes Lauren
Lauren likes Victor
Paul likes Sean
The girl who kills herself likes Sean

The film was called The Rule's Of Attraction.
i thought it was pretty good, it was depressing though, but i wanted to watch a depressing film, it makes me feel emotion, considering ive been sitting in my room all afternoon in the dark playing guitar, i hate being ill and on my own, everybody on msn (my only source of companionship since last week) has either a hangover from last night, or are arguing with one another.

i feel so disconnected from everyone, i guess locking myself in my room isnt helping, but my dad still isnt talking to me, and my mum was baking all day to keep her mind off her world collapsing beneath her, and my brother doesnt talk to me, never has, so... yeah.

i feel disconnected and unsociable i dont even like the way im writing this blog, as if im out of practice from humanly connection, yes i guess that is a slight exaggeration, but 1 more day of this and that may be the case.

this past week hasnt been fantastic my mood has been pretty low, ive given up on my appearance for a while, ive worn pajamas and had unstraightened hair for a while now, either unstraightened or greasy...( i could give bert mccracken a run for his money...lol)
it probably doesnt help taking my tablets all over the place during the day, because of my eratic sleeping patterns. Today i woke up to the sunset, ive never had that before, its a spectacular feeling, but a depressing one too, i took pictures of the sky from my window.

on the up side im doing more art, ive used oil pastels for the first time in a year, i used to do all my work with them but now i barely do.
to be honest, it looks better than the photograph, its meant to be alice in wonderland. the skin tones look awful and the dress too, that could be because of my webcam or my shitty art skills who knows?

ive been thinking a lot today in my isolation, does anybody really and truelly know anybody? i got this from the film, sure you tell people who you are what you do but do you really know them, does anybody tell somebody absolutely every life experiance and opinion and secret in their life? ive tried this before, but i became too ashamed of things in my life, too embarrassed to tell someone everyone, i want to have someone in life that that wouldnt be the case.

im currently listening to my late 60s early 70s playlist, Creedence Clearwater Revival and Hendrix. i think after this ill go to sleep.
it is 2:33...

i hope youre all okay.
Daniel x