TheDevilAndGodAreRagingInsideOfMe

im sitting here with my fleece jacket on, its frickin' cold, well i am,
im actually not listening to anything for a change, but im still kind of anxious.
i have my legs dangling across the end of my bed with my acoustic guitar between my legs
ive been playing guitar on and off all day, i came up with one pretty decent sequence, on acoustic and absolutely nothing on electric guitar, i mostly sat around playing mayday parade and stuff from my chemical romance's first album like vampire's will never hurt you.

my hair is a mess, yesterday, i came out of the shower, and put it in a way that didnt even remotely look emo anymore. i sat around yesterday in clothes that didnt remotely look emo either.
i never considered myself emo, but i got labelled it a lot due to the fact i liked the music, and dressed in the clothes sometimes, just because it was better/more comfortable that what wasnt emo.

i think in many respects im just naturally growing up, my taste in music, has changed, its more mature but it doesnt mean i still have a deep passion for the older stuff, thats why i dug out that mcr album, i wanted to feel the same way i did when i first heard mcr when i was 12. i remember going out to buy 3 cheers for sweet revenge, and what i looked like, i remember what i wore, i was wearing blue jeans, nike trainers, a plain t-shirt and a grey hoodie. i had my thin framed glasses and short ginger hair, i looked like a nerd, and yeah, people would laugh reading this, about that, but i dont care, because mcr were nerds and it gave me something to relate to, and i in their eyes i could be whoever i wanted to be. it made me feel accepted.

throughout my teenage life ive tried to be accepted by people, people ive gone out with more than anything, but with every single one of them, ive felt insignificant. i dont know if thats my fault for not holding myself in high esteem or whether it is their fault through lack of reassurance. i dont blame anyone lets put it that way. but right now at the age of 18 im still seeking acceptance, i want mean something to someone or someones where i feel content, someone who doesnt do things just because theyre following others or peer pressure and all that crap. or just says things to be with a group of people, i want straight up honest people.

i think i have that with my friends.
well i wouldnt contemplate going to Germany with them if i didnt. :)

its hard, fitting in, its hard believing in something youve put yourself in to, its hard accepting the life youve made for yourself, and really believing that the people youre with seem to fit perfectly into the lifestyle you want to live. i hate fake people.

i struggle with my own identity everyday, i dont know how to define it.



And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground
And if they get me take this spike to my heart and
And if they get me and the sun goes down
And if they get me take this spike and
You put the spike in my heart

And if the sun comes up will it tear the skin right off our bones
And then as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks I saw you there
Someone get me to the doctor, someone get me to a church
Where they can pump this venom gaping hole
And you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat
And if they come and get me
What if you put the spike in my heart

And if they get me and the sun goes down
And if they get me take this spike and

Can you take this spike?
Will it fill our hearts with thoughts of endless
Night time sky?
Can you take this spike?
Will it wash away this jet black feeling?

And now the nightclub sets the stage for this they come in pairs she said
We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey they're always there
Someone get me to the doctor, and someone call the nurse
And someone buy me roses, and someone burned the church
We're hanging out with corpses, and driving in this hearse
And someone save my soul tonight, please save my soul

Can you take this spike?
Will it fill our hearts with thoughts of endless
Night time sky?
Can you take this spike?
Will it wash away this jet black now?

And as these days watch over time, and as these days watch over time
And as these days watch over us tonight

I'll never let them, I'll never let them
I'll never let them hurt you not tonight
I'll never let them, I can't forget them
I'll never let them hurt you, I promise

Struck down, before our prime
Before, you got off the floor
Can you stake my heart? Can you stake my heart?

Can you stake my heart? Can you stake my heart?
(And these thoughts of endless night
bring us back into the light
and this venom from my heart)

Can you stake my heart? Can you stake my heart?
(And these thoughts of endless night
bring us back into the light
kill this venom from my heart)

Can you stake me before the sun goes down?

(And as always, innocent like roller coasters.
Fatality is like ghosts in snow and you have no idea what you're up against
because I've seen what they look like.
Becoming perfect as if they were sterling silver chainsaws going cascading...)