SpanishSahara

I like the general misconseption of "getting better"
people automatically assume if nothing stands out of the ordinary in their opinion that nothing is wrong. But can something be wrong if it sticks out all the time for several months/years (the time period youve known such people) but which is also a small time period in your life.

Just say a fundemental character trait which someone bases their friendship with you on accepting that you do this specific thing. Now remove that character trait away. Does this make you seem like youre different in a negative way, or possibly just better, because that's the way you used to be.

Character traits, emotional development, all of that deeply fascinates me, likes and dislikes of the human psyche also interests me, how if we're approximately 99% ~ similar to each other how can we have different personal tastes in music, food, hobbies, partners. How on earth can 2 people ever be "meant to be" when there are 6.7 billion people in this world. that deeply fascinates me.

The way that as a species we've developped from survival instincts such as eating and fucking to have needs such as paying for my child's school uniform and wondering if i can fit a telephone call to my mum around eastenders.

The more i think about these things the more i disregard typical activies we're expected to go through as human beings. 10 million years ago we hunted our food, we dont do that now. thousands of years ago we got married, why do that now. at the very beginning of our species whether you believe in evolution or adam and eve (etc) things such as marriage a perminent residence and a 9-5 job didn't exist so why must we be like the other 6,699,999,999 people in the world. that perplexes me. the way we're so uniform in life.

i dont want what everyone else wants in life, sure i want some thing, i want to experiance love where you are totally besotted by someone, sure i want to visit lifeless buildings which show nothing more than human achievement. but i dont want to live life like everyone else. i dont want to be in the same place everyday for the majority of my life.

But i bet, if you ask me what i want in 5 years time my opinion will be entirely different.

This is all nonsensical.