Iridescent.

I had some of my closest friends over this evening.
Jess, Jess and Brenden.
I dont have people round often because i dont usually feel comfortable, but Jess Elliot is moving away to uni in london this weekend, so i wont see her until christmas.

We messed around like the-olden-days. i say olden, but in reality when we were like 13. i miss those times and it's all gone so quickly and we've done so much, but we've always been really close at the end of it.

We talked about some strange things too, Jess Wilcox was talking about her work placement (for uni) at our old primary school (we went to the same nursery, primary school and secondary school and sixth form) and how some teachers were still there. i miss that place.

We also talked about mine and Brenden's taste in woman, where Brenden came to the conclusion i just dont like anyone who's actually attractive. which is totally untrue i must add... Jess Elliot put it better. I just dont find anyone mainstream attractive. I dont find Cheryl Cole attractive, or Megan Fox... am i weird? i like normal people who dont look airbrushed, like Ellen Page, and Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Jess Wilcox and Brenden have now been going out for 3 or 4 years, i've lost count tbh. and Jess Elliot has been going out with her boyfriend a week less. They've watched me go out with several people now and ask am i planning on going out with anyone (this is where brenden said 'unattractive') when i'm at uni.

And i thought to myself. as i lay on my attic floor on my back staring at the ceiling with Jess Elliot, no i really dont.

It seems weird craving to not crave the companionship of someone who thinks similarly to me and have the same interests etc. I mean most teenagers i know were like me wanting a girlfriend (or boyfriend if they were female or gay) but not consciously going out of their way to get one (unless they were a slag. and we talked about a few of them we know. :P). So for me to feel like this is kinda odd.

I used to resent being on my own, but in a way i now accept it and quite enjoy it a lot more.
It worries me in a respect, that i may end up years without having a relationship and end up being attrotious at sex and being incredibly lonely.

I dont know how university will pan out, im not going to go out of my way to find someone eventhough quite a few people say i will. Brenden suggested i just have a casual fuck every now and again... i love the way he's so blasé about it all :P.

*sigh* ohwel :)