WeightOfTheWorld.

I'm typing this, right before i got to bed.
I've been watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist again.
i love this film.

i want to meet somebody like Norah. She seems pretty damn awesome.
Well anyway tomorrows monday, the beginning of a week i seriously dont want.
Final day of art exam, then tuesday my driving test (numero deux), then wednesday english mock, thursday biology mock, and fridays are always terrible.

the weekend will be good, because it's may bank holiday.
i hope it'll be better than this weekend.
Because this weekend was going well until today.
My brother was being a complete dick and making everyone feel awful. and then went driving and had the police on him and he then got taken to hospital because he threatened to kill himself.

I obviously care about him, and worry, but when you have someone destroy your family unit. Well technically my dad does that too. Theyre both just as bad as each other. Where do you draw the line. i exclude myself from most contact so i dont get absorbed into the unrelinquishing pit of unhappiness, stuborness and self pity i want to be normal i want a normal family is that too much to ask? i know people say "there is no such thing as a normal family" but surely there is more normal than this. a family which isnt a family, 2 people consumed by the misery and exposing that pain onto the other 2 members selfishly, where no one cares about anyone apart from themselves, trying to get one over on each other. is that a family? is that normal? is that what i want? no. i want to be one of those kids, whose main concern would be his education, not whether his father or brother were in a shitty mood with one another and taking it out on everyone, not having to worry about my brother killing himself everyday, not being exposed to such negativity it affects my own mental stability and self worth. i want a father who takes an in depth interest (which isnt superficial) in my life, a brother who actually wanted to do things with me that didnt consist of despising me, a mother who isnt burdened by the stress of having to support all of this whilst attempting to create a relationship with me, because no one else wanted to.

I want a family.
If i cant get that then i'll pretend i never had one.
the second option is looking more likely.

i hope you all had a better sunday than me.