StandingOnTheRooftops.

i need to take my fucking medicine once in a while. by that i mean everyday, i forgot yesterday, and i can definitely feel it. I'm in such a crappy mood, and it was just triggered.

I'm here in this stupid room and it's 23:20pm, and there's just no point to it, me here, in Reading, wasting this time and money, i don't want to be here anymore. that's not to say i dont want to come back, but it's just stupid.

There's this person, we'll call her Girl A. Girl A is amazing, she's pretty and we get on really well, she thinks i'm funny and i think she's really interesting. We talk more and more, and like i find out she has a boyfriend, there has been a little bit of casual flirting but nothing too much, which is fine because i dont think i could emotionally cope with being with someone i see in all my lectures (she does the same degree). She then starts acting the same to my male friend, and he's awesome but has a fucking massive ego. So maybe i should become a dick too?

Then there's Girl B. I've known her for some time, i think if i wasn't at stupid university and with her, it'd be amazing you know? but like, she's recently got with someone, we talk and i know she felt something once, and i still do for her, in my mixed up emotions which i try to supress all the time. So do i just mean nothing, am i just something to pass the time?

Then there's Girl C. We talk a lot, her and i spend a lot of time together, we joke and flirt, and she told me her relationship was dead, but he naivity really annoys me and we don't click like that, and i want to you know? which kills that in a way.

The point to this, is why must every fucking stupid good thing have a negative, why won't things just work, why can't the things that don't just disappear it makes me so pissed off because i'm stuck with this every stupid day and i hate it.

I'm just sat here in the semi-dark, in my pajamas, looking shitty and curly haired listening to Rooftops - Lostprophets, over and over.