SomethingICanNeverHave.

I drank tonight, for the first time in around 3 weeks, we drank due to coursework and house stress.
We drank without a care really. To forget about reality.

The stress of this is overwheming. I'm in unexplored territory, emotions i can't deal with, predictions of others emotions i can't understand.

These two songs stick in my head, Gold Guns Girls by Metric (Acoustic) and Mad World by Gary Jules

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqFO88ElQrk

I hate disturbing peoples feelings i hate upsetting people, i hate being unreliable.
We excluding 5 out of the 12 people from our block for house hunting, this weekend, what makes it worse, is this person i've known two days got ditched by her friends, and knows one of the people in my block and wants to live with us, and i feel guilty saying no.

but i can't help but feel used.

i feel kinda alone right now, i'm feeling really homesick, it's selfish to think i want my friends here, this is my own problem and i should get myself through this. Sometimes it feels that whatever i want gets shelved and i can never do the right thing, or say the right things to people without letting them down.