You know when you crave something.
yeah im craving something oh so negative right now.
something disastrous.
in my head i have the ringing of something one of my best friends said to me.
"Don't give me advice when you got a free ride into university"
This is imprinted on my conscienceness, as if i dont deserve anything i get.
I'm sorry if i don't meet your satisfactory standards.
But that really incredibly hurt me, especially when you know everything that has happened to me.
I'm not using that as an excuse but please take that into consideration?
I hate being the butt of jokes all the time, i hate the expectations, i hate the pity, i hate the labelling and opposite-sides-of-the-spectrum treatment i recieve.
I dont want to be known as the person who self harmed, i dont want to be the person with depression, i dont want to be the person who never turns up to school because they're too sad to wake up in the morning and can't think about anything more than engraving hurtful words with a stupid craft knife into their limbs everyday. i dont want to be the person who obviously did no work and doesnt deserve any success when i worked my fucking arse off to achieve the pitiful results i get. im sorry if i try and take mild satisfaction for the shitty accomplishments which dont match up to any of yours, any of you. every single one last of you.
Why can't i just be normal.
Why can't i have a normal family, where my parents can both have jobs, where my brother doesnt have to be chucked out because he turns my parents against each other, where my best friends dont desert me for each other, where i get what i deserve whether it good or bad, where i dont have my own problems, and dont contemplate negative things.
why can't everything be okay?
i don't mean to sound negative.
But atleast you know now why i've not said much lately.
3 comments:
It's kind of sad to say I know how you feel.
But it's like what you commented on my blog.
If you're down there's no where else to go but up.
Down side of that is if you're up there's no where to go but down, and I'm sure you understand how hard the fall can be.
If people see you as just the kid with depression then they can go fuck themselves.
That's just what I think though...
It's like that blog I wrote about, you have to try to understand people. People also need to try and understand you. =)
<3
its stupid and prolly wont help but hope you feel better! ;(
it's always so much easier to try and help other people than yourself, i find Cass. but your comment does help me, it made me smile a bit. :)
and vanessa, thank you for your concern.
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