Guilt.

Coping with guilt, burns inside my consciousness. I hate feeling like I'm letting people down, I never know how to react to the feeling and make things better.

Greg and Harriet are going to visit Siobhan just before term starts and asked if I wanted to go, and as much as I want to I can't. I feel bad because I'll be in Reading and I want to see them but I can't afford it even though I'll be in Reading. I'll be in Reading because as much as I love home, it'll be all I can handle by that point. What makes things more complicated is the remaining money I have is being loaned to me by my parents, who can't exactly afford to loan me money. They won't say no to me refusing it which makes things furthermore complicated. I have guilt on the front of not having money to see my friends at the beginning of my last year of uni. Guilt for taking money off my parents and not being more financially independent, all the while missing out on stuff at home with friends because I can't afford it.

I hate money.