What would you do if;
You have two best friends at uni one we'll call 'Q' one we'll call 'K'.
Q is always there for you, last weekend you felt on edge, the edge so to speak, you went through terrible shit, that resonates through you still, you haven't gotten over it, you're clutching onto every grain of happiness you can get right now. Q isn't at uni, they've gone home for a couple of days, but you know you can talk to and rely on them.
Whereas with K, they say they are there for you, they say they're sorry if they don't show it but they say they are still there. You find out on the same day you 'went on the edge' that something K swore on, K had lied about. The subject they lied about is irrelevant but the fact they don't trust you and lied to your face has hurt you, on top of the fact you don't know where you stand with them has hurt you too.
Q will be there for you no matter what shit you go through, but you can't be too reliant on them because you shouldn't have to burden one person with so much shit, and you feel like you should be able to trust K because Q trusts K. But what if K has lied about other things too..
Why am i reliant on both Q and K? My councillor (yes I started seeing a new one) thinks it might be because i feel i cant go to my parents, because i've explained they have all their own shit, and that if i open up and tell them they'll blame themselves due to circumstances at home which i don't want to include, and life at home will become frosty or feel like i'm walking on eggshells. I hate not telling them, but if i do, they will constantly ask how i am because they care and love me. ( I never doubt that). It's like Everest talking to them about this shit, first of i have to get the guts to get up there and tell them, and then you still have the trip back down, which is equally as dangerous once everything has been said.
My councillor went to said that my inability to talk to my parents causes my over reliance on my friends, a feeling of wanting and isolation when things go bad? Which in turn is plausible, i expect signs of care when i'm in need because i worry too much about what they think because whether i like it or not Q and K are my closest friends. Part of me wants this depressive phase, and yes it is a phase, just a stronger one than normal, to pass easier, because it will, but i need this problem to go, because when i go to a new environment with new people, the same problem resurfaces again.
What do you think?
2 comments:
Before I render an opinion, I must ask: do you need an opinion on your mindset or your situation?
situation :) i know my mindset if fucked, that's why i wondered what other people would do :)
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