ComeClarity

Sometimes, things are hard to admit to yourself arent they?
Especially if you dont realise them at first.
In a way it's therapeutic once you have found out.

Do you understand?

It's like the little niggling thing at the back of your mind, giving you a reason to not do something.
Mine's been about this blog.

I'm reluctant to be open. i find it difficult sometimes. and i've mentioned that every now and again. every couple of weeks or so.
I find talking about things, makes them clearer, i always advise my friends to do it, if something bothers them, because i know it helps me, i guess thats why i wrote this whole blog in the first place, for clarity.

On the topic of clarity.
When i came home today after going swimming with some friends, i tidied my shelves up, i have shelves which are 10 feet + tall, i cant reach the top two, and im 6 feet tall. so however tall that is right? and sorting through the masses of paperwork, i found several things of interest, my past notes of councillors, which im going to bin. the acceptance letter into university. camera operational guide, and random drawings and writings in amongst hundreds of sheets from notebooks and pads with handouts and worksheets.

All of this im burning.

not now but in a couple weeks.

I stood around listening to fightstar, looking through this all and in a way (there were some things from up to 5 years ago) its like a brief bit a teenage life, i do these clearouts most years, but some things get left behind.


and i can now feel this is a transitional period. excaping to university. i think in a way it's when im going to grow up, sure by law im technically an adult, but now im moving on with my life. these next 4 years will have more of a profound affect on me than anything else, anyone else for that matter, theyll be the door into the world, theyll direct me on where ill be headed for the next part of my life.

I'm not scared, not remotely, im pleased to leave this junk behind, and in a way i dont want the baggage of this life i have right now. i dont want the reliance of money, i dont want many friends, i dont want material goods, or a life in medway, i dont want facebook. i just want some clothes, a place to clean, a bag, a camera, a guitar and a want. just a want to move forward to somewhere new.

Im going to go travelling, after university. and im going to refrain from as many material possessions as i can. just a few things of interest. and i dont want a schedule or responsibility, i hate routine too. i want to be alone but know everything will be okay when i come back.

Im going to now, go off and read my 8 month old copy of NME. paha, i hate NME.

<3